Would you stay to watch me die?

Words Come Out Like Bitter Pills
A Mouthful That Is Killing Me
Vocalized And Fluid
In This Vanity Parade
These Words Come Out Like Photographs
All Celluloid And Memory
Each One A Turning Moment
Set Loose Inside Our Veins

I'm gonna have a fucking sorethroat soon.I am recovering from my flu but my cough is like getting worst must drink loads of water then.I shall drink up then.

Monday was bad mood day.Really its like morning already i shouted at ppl.But thanks to khai and his crazy antics my day got better.After skul i went mugging at mac with LMS.Nearly 4 hrs of chem almost killed me.But thanks to my idiot i tink tmr i should be able to do it.Thank you idiot.hahas.Well eventually later in the night i got terribly sick.So i took one panadol but my head was hurting dame badly.So as usual complain to him.Asked me to take another one and guess wat?Next morning cannot wake up to go to skul.fuck sia but nvm cause i still did study at home.So shocking but i tink the whole thing that 'o levels is in like october' just hit me.So i'll try to mug to my fullest.So in the afternoon went to jam with the guys.Khai joined us too.It was fun having him there as usual.Well tried out our original.We trying to get it right before the big day which is next sat.Gonna jam ike mad.I gotta create a 15 sec bass solo like by this sat.My brains better work sia.anyway before our time was up we mixed reggae and letters to you acoustic set.It was so nice i swear.If we do record it i shall put it up on our myspace.After went chilling and went to celebrate my mums' b'dae.

Tuesday night was the worst night i only got 2 hours of sleep from 4 to 6.I can't believe it but i'm full of energy still but my brain still not working properly.Well skul was alright.All my 3 tests got pushed to tmr.So tonight while i watch the soccer match i shall mug my heart away.Well tmr is nothing much.Skul as per normal.After skul going town with Fel.Going to Art friend.I'm getting something for vday.I'm hinting here badly that i'm getting something for u on vday.
so after buying the stuff gonna go eat salmon or sushi with LMS and char.Finally after all that talk i'm finally eating it.hahas.

Friday gonna watch caracal.Yeah yeah i'm so happy.finally after so long.Some more only 10bucks.It makes me feel even better.Saturday morning got training.Shit lah.Confirm got injury.My knee is like fuck already.Anyways after that is off to see Fara and then going jamming.Yeah jamming.Hahas.After that might have my alone time cause i dun tink i can go DXO.

So that is my week.Oh ya Vday is like in 14days time.I'm gonna be alone.No one has asked me out yet.So saddening.I'm waiting for that special someone though.so yuppy.Depressing kid signing out.


And So It Ends
It's Just Like In The Movies
In Disappearing Light She Cries Out To The Sky
Her Eyes Aglow With Reflection
This Will Mean I Only Have To Lie To You This One Last Time
I Cant Believe It Took So Long To Find Someone To Believe In
Every Hour Of Every Day Just To Keep Us Hanging Out
I Cant Stand Around While We're Falling To Pieces

Am I Gonna Have To Spend My Whole Life Waiting
Hands In The Air Just Anticipating
You Keep Things Falling Apart As The Moment Passes By
Am I Gonna Have To Spend My Last Redemption
Ten Pounds Of Pain For An Ounce Of Prevention
You Keep Things Falling Apart As The Moment Passes By

You've Got Your Reasons, The Come With Consequences
Those Bitter Colors, It Still Hurts To Remind Us
She Keeps Me Hanging On

Rain rain go away

I swear the rain is so irritating.The cold weather gets me sick.No one take cares of me and i've to do it all by my lonesome self.

Friday was so fun.The bus trip to NYP was so fun.Khai and the bunch of guys were so hilarious with their hip-hop and RnB antics.When we got down at NYP it was even more funny.Cause Khai realised that he ripped his pants while doing his sexyback routine.hahas.Hilarious Khai.I always laugh till i cry thanks to him.But let me say NYP looks exactly like a hospital.It brings back memories.Stupid skul.So first thing we did was enter their lecture hall for a talk and to watch some stupid video.And as everyone knew it someone would bring up Tammy. It never gets old. After that guess where they had to bring us?To the fucking nursing side.Everything just brought back memories of the first day in the hospital.I just brokedown.I couldn't take it.To know wat Fara went through in the operation theatre and all.Well Stance and Felly Welly comforted me.Crying is the only thing i can do.Wat else is there?After the tour we were allowed to tour the skul ourselves.So Stance,Diq,Han,Wan,Hilmy,Khai,Fel,The twins and me had our own little tour together.It was so fun.Taking pics and all.So i left the skul early cause i wanted to head down to the hospital to see Fara.I went down by myself.Met LMS there.We went in together.I'm telling u now.I din know that her eyes were opened already.I almost brokedown but i had to stop myself cause she can see wats going on now.Even she if she can't recognise.she knows.I went down for a smoke.A way of releasing everything in my mind.Went back up again.Seating outside and Fel,The twins and aaron came.So we went in together.I know they were shocked too.But in the end we started cracking jokes to her and all.I swear she is communicating to us through her eyes.I know it.She managed a tiny smile.We know it.The bunch left but LMS and i still stayed.I spoke to Fara and she held my hand so tight that i could still feel her hand after i released my hand.We went off to meet char and stance at our usual hangout at the yio chu kang road coffeshop.I left early cause had to be back home.

saturday was spent in the hospital for me.I met up with that idiot cause he was gonna teach me Chem.Well he did and Met up with Agi too.So after he taught me we went up to see Fara.Char,Mich and Van was there.I was so pissed at the idiot.After yesterday i dun bother bout him already.why kill myself over him when i know i am not gonna get wat i want?Agi and he left.well i din bother.So char and i stood beside Fara and spoke to her.Her sis sang her a lullaby and she fell asleep.So cute rite?She is exactly like a baby.Char u better learn lullabies.I'm gonna learn some too.So we left.Took the train down to serangoon.Went to the mac to meet Wati.We chatted and wati had to leave.Char and i left about 12 something.Cause i decided to walk back home from serangoon.It was a Fast and long walk back.That was my boring saturday.

Oh ya Lms.Still can't figure out with shit i stepped on.But i guess i din step on any.My ladyluck just came by itself.Well i'm gonna make full use of it since i'm single now.So depressin kid signing out.


Take me and let me in
Don't break me and shut me out

[Chorus:]
So take me and let me in
Don't break me and shut me out

I lit my pain on fire
And I watched it all burn down
Now I'm dancing in the ashes
And theres no one else around
Cause I wanna be apart of something
This is just a story of a broken soul

[Hook:]
As days go by, my heart grows cold
I can't seem let this all pass me by

I'm burning in the heavens
And I'm drowning in the hell
My souls in a coma
And none of my friends can tell
I'm reaching out of getting something
This is just a story of a broken soul

Don't shut me out

Does anyone around me feel the same
Just put your fist up and vent your pain
Does anyone around me feel the same
Put your fist up and vent your pain
Does anyone around me feel the same
Put your fist up and vent your pain
Does anyone around me feel the same
Put your fist up and vent your pain

Take Me
Don't Break Me

Estoy solo

The day started of with house meeting.Our house meeting was dead before Ernest came.I swear his got the loudest voice ever. He made the whole lichfield house alive.Ernest you rawk.Hahas.I'm like taking part in every inter-house game.I only intended to take part in floorball and netball but i've been asked to atake part in the others also.P.E was fun thanks to sadiq trying to teach me how to play american football.Thanks for teaching something new.Recess as usual our gossips.Physica really couldn't be bothered.I received a msg during physics from Along.Fara has shifted again.to ward 10d.Bed 109.It's a general ward so thank goodness.Her brain mentality is of a 6 month old baby.Wah shit sia.I dun really wanna talk about it.Cause it's causing much for me.emotionally i'm hurt.I'm gonna see her tmr.

So after physics was lit.Watched some movie.Thanks to tom cruise for being in it.It made it much more fun to watch.Last period of the day was my free period.So studying getting on with my espanol.After skul went for maths remedial.After that was netball.Shit sia.I pulled my thigh muscle.It hurts like fuck.Somemore my right leg.Really fucked sia.So netball was dame boring.I wonder why does coach never call me on to the cour to play?I tink i intimidate her.Cause even if i'm the last person she never asks me to go on.Weird.But who gives a dame.I'm going there for attendance only that is it.So that ends of today.Depressing kid signing out.


A star up in the sky
A poem to the death
Let this mistake
Bring a vivid crystal to her eyes
So drain out my lungs
Before the fluid brings a choke
I can’t inhale the sparkle of your voice

A star up in the sky
A poem to the death
Let this mistake
Bring a vivid crystal to her eyes
So drain out my lungs
Before the fluid brings a choke
I can’t inhale the sparkle of your voice

Let me walk on high wire of rusty nails
While barefoot shedding the flesh of our existance

I don’t want anybody to fall

A star up in the sky
A poem to the death
Let this mistake
Bring a vivid crystal to her eyes
So drain out my lungs
Before the fluid brings a choke
I can’t inhale the sparkle of your voice

Now’s it time
Now’s it time

The more I try
The more I lose
But today
Will you remember me ?

But today
Will you remember me ?
But today
Your eyes

Your eyes
They shine
Your eyes

Your eyes
They shine
Your eyes

Your eyes
They shine
Your eyes

Your eyes
They shine
Your eyes

Your eyes

Your eyes
They shine
Your eyes

Walking home
Street lights go out

Walking home
Street lights go out

A star up in the sky
A poem to the death
Let this mistake
Bring a vivid crystal to her eyes
So drain out my lungs
Before the fluid brings a choke

The healing scars of a painful day

Skul was so fun today i swear.I laughed till i cried thanks to Khai.Super hilarious.Ernest was another nonsensical guy.Thought i was gonna steal his khalis away.Hahas.Let me say the first fight of the year in Sgs was today.Right outside our class during recess. Eric and his friends beat up this 4na guy.He can tell me so happily that he got suspended for beating the guy up.Eric is just mad. Recess was fun with the guys.Han took wonderful pics of Crazy Fel and mad Rev.Hahas.I shall post them.Accounts was a killer.2periods of accounts.Somemore got test.Wrote most of the answers on the table.Cannot study for this test.Fel and i almost went mad.Went home straight after skul.Mrs chan is so gonna kill me tmr for not staying back for her class.I better stay back next week.

anyways i've decided to go back to my old life.I really can't take love anymore.It kills me badly.Whats the use of always falling but it ends up the wrong way in the end.Screw relationships from now on.No more for me for sure.Until maybe i can trust guys.So untrustable in realationships.Sad case for Rev but i'm gonna enjoy life till i cannot enjoy anymore.Hahas.So yup.Depressing kid signing out.

In my life i don't mean much to anyone
i've lost my way can't go back anymore
once i had everything now it's gone
don't tell me again coz i've heard it all before

some people say that i'm not worth it
i've made mistakes but nobody's perfect
guess i'll give it a try

i've got one last chance to get myself together
i can't lose no more time it's now or never and i try to remember who i used to be
i've got one more chance to get myself together

the time has come for me to change again
i can't carry on like this, i will lose my friends - don't say that you have given up on me
just give me the time and space to heal my head

i don't wanna be misunderstood
i've got to take this chance and make it into something good

It ends tonight,It's best you leave me alone

Skul was alrite today.Cause it ended early. I was happy cause of all my friends.They make me happy.But still within me i have my sorrows.Which i hate.No matter wat i will hate you forever.A perfect script for my life.A bestfriend almost lost but i have to thank you that u gave her a chance.Still no matter wat a hate will always remain for you.Just to prove it.I'll never believe in you.Tonight i was suppose to go drinking.But did not in the end.she fell asleep.So after skul went to chill under the block with My little idiot,stance,nadia and the taufik group.Bout 3 left for home.When home and drown my sorrows over maths and accounts.So stupid but i got nothing else.In the end also halfway i just fell asleep.I need to get drunk and do another stupid thing.So that i can regret over that instead of this.Guys anyone planning to get drunk pls call me along.I need it badly now. Char has told me to love sushi so that i can eat with Fara when she wakes up.Sakae one of this days.Pls stuff the sushi into me.Cause if not it will never go in. I've tried liking cooked salmon for Fara.I like it but i tink raw salmon abit hard.Nvm Fara can have the raw one and i can have the cooked one.Char you better not go away hor.I dun care even if Fara shoos u away.You better be there when she awakens.I dun care.Even if you at the airport i will pull u back to the hospital.Hahas.Oh ya LMS congrats on turning left.Finally sia.Faster pass ur test.late nights can be a often thing after that.hahas.okay.Depressing kid signing out.
What is my body worth?
was there a price-tag there?



I never knew
I never knew that everything was falling through
That everyone I knew was waiting on a queue
To turn and run when all I needed was the truth
But that's how it's got to be
It's coming down to nothing more than apathy
I'd rather run the other way than stay and see
The smoke and who's still standing when it clears

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

Let's rearrange
I wish you were a stranger I could disengage
Say that we agree and then never change
Soften a bit until we all just get along
But that's disregard
Find another friend and you discard
As you lose the argument in a cable car
Hanging above as the canyon comes between

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

And suddenly I become a part of your past
I'm becoming the part that don't last
I'm losing you and its effortless
Without a sound we lose sight of the ground
In the throw around
Never thought that you wanted to bring it down
I won't let it go down till we torch it ourselves

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

Update on Fara

Fara has been such a good girl.Her improvements are good that they shifted her to the high dependancy ward.when i went to see her yesterday.Her fingers were moving and she was trying to life her arm.Heard she is hugging Roo now.So cute.Saw her sucking on her food.good job Fara.Everyone is waiting for you.I swear i had this dream bout u that u were alrite.U were speaking to me and i was crying to you.I need you now.I know that dream will come true.Hurry up and wake up.I saw u getting a peek at char and me on friday night.I wish i could see truckloads of shooting stars now.They will all be for you for sure.No one else will own the wishes i make for you.Cause really now all i have left is u.wake up Fara.you look so good now.Oh ya before i go pls dun shoo char away.

A faked life A faked Smile Save me someone

Okay i've read.I've got no say for sure. cause you accepted it. Just make whatever decision you want. I really can't say anything anymore.

Estoy ya screwed.Estoy for sure tener una averia.Todos los dias i was happy cause of mi novio.Ahora got nothing mas.ah screw my espanol.I'm screwed enough.I really thought everything would be right all over again.It isn't.It's just not right anymore.Regret for wat i did on saturday.Stupid rev.I made LMS breakdown cause of me.I made a mistake again.Stupid stupid.Should have just killed myself one shot.nevermind all i have now is Fara.Just waiting for her to wake up.Someone i will live for now.I know she needs me.Noor was so nice to talk to me bout my cuts.I almost brokedown while talking to her.I just need someone to cry to now.LMs why was u be going through problems now when i need u Or my little idiot.I miss u guys.I need u guys lyk real soon before anything happens. I need my happy song and my drugs.My hopes are right your kiss did kill.

You'd better learn that this will not blow over
And Over
High above, they're taking over you
And you should know
I will not let you go
(Let you go)

What is my body worth?
Was there a price-tag before?
There's something greater then
What is my body worth?
Was there a price-tag before?
It's not gonna change you

We walk around
But never turn to see what we have done
(What we have done)
We choose our moves so carefully for you
(Carefully for you)
I will not let you go
(Let you go)

What is my body worth?
Was there a price-tag before?
There's something greater then
What is my body worth?
Was there a price-tag before?
It's not gonna change you
What is my body worth?
Was there a price-tag before?
It's not gonna change you

Why believe in nothing
Why believe in nothing at all
Why believe in nothing
Why believe in nothing at all

What is my body worth?
Was there a price-tag before?
There's something greater then
What is my body worth?
Was there a price-tag before?
It's not gonna change you

What is my body worth?
What is my body worth?

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill

Made my absence in skul today.Was dame sick.Fever.flu and headache.All in one can kill you man.Yesterday had to get through skul with all of that.I slept for awhile during accounts.Thank goodness mrs chan forget that the timetable changed.So she din turn up and i slept through for nearly 50 mins.After that fel,fad and me were chatting about our nonsense.It's fun talking to fad sometimes.Mum hugged me and she was like you have a fever.I love her hugs it makes me feel warm and safe.So she told me not to go to skul.I took a panadol and drank lots of hot water.I din go to sleep straight away.Was talking to him till like 3 a.m in the morning.during our long conversation was then that i realised how much i've missed our long chats and i've for sure missed him like hell.I never knew it though.I wonder if it's wrong for me to be with him when my bestest friend is in the ICU.I've got abit of guilt for doing that but i will still come see u more then him.you're more important to me than anyone right now.I've regretted so much not being with you that night.I still do regret.i'm sorry.I'll make it up when you wake up and speak to me.I was reading crystals blog and i just brokedown.Such sweet words she has to you and for fal,mal and me.Thanks crystal.

Back to skul tmr.It's friday already.How wonderful?Going for TPs openhouse.Can't wait.Heard much about the hot guys there and the hot girls too.hehes.After TP will be going back home to get changed and then to the hospital with Fel and i tink the bunch.I'll be leaving first though.Spending my night with him.Can't wait.So yuppy.Depressing kid signing out


Your subtleties
They strangle me
I can't explain myself at all.
And all the wants
And all the needs
All I don't want to need at all.

The walls start breathing
My mind's unweaving
Maybe it's best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight
It ends tonight.

A falling star
Least I fall alone.
I can't explain what you can't explain.
You're finding things that you didn't know
I look at you with such disdain

The walls start breathing
My mind's unweaving
Maybe it's best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It's too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.

Now I'm on my own side
It's better than being on your side
It's my fault when you're blind
It's better that I see it through your eyes

All these thoughts locked inside
Now you're the first to know

When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It's too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends

When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It's too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.

Tonight
Insight
When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight.

Hand in hand

I guess this is the longest i haven't blogged recently.Have been busy.Trying to see Fara often.But with loads going on and all.I'm trying to go and see her during my free days alone.I saw her today though.So much improvement in her. Love her for being strong and pulling through.Breathing on her own.Good job fara.Just wake up in a proper condition.I miss bitching with u.U might have heard the punk comment i made bout u.Wake up and i'll change u into one.Cause u look like a punk kid.hahas.Something i say to make u happy.Probably u were laughing at me.Sorry couldn't talk to you today.I'm very sick.Haven't been taking care of myself.Worried for you,stress at skul and my own problems.Coping with everything that i dun care bout myself.just remember i'm staying strong for u no matter what.Everything would be perfect when you wake up.I miss ur voice.You gave me perfect advises.char has been doing fine.Aunty bette called me her sweet heart pumpkin.something she used to call u when u were a little girl. Everyone cares i know. I love everyone for showing their concern.I've not had fun recently.I just have no heart to have fun.But i went to amin's gig last sunday.That's my first.Lost in the city dedicated a song to you.I brokedown at gas haus.Thanks Lms for comforting me.I'm going for a gig this sat at DxO.I breakdown occasionally.Brokedown when you first woke up and yawned.I was there.I will always be there.Don't worry when you get back home.I'll be there everyday.If you go to skul i will fetch you back.Char and i will always be there no matter wat.

Skul has been a bitch.Tests started already on the 2nd week of skul.Tmr got maths test.Somemore i'm fucking sick.dunno whether to go a not.But better.Nvm even if i die by the end of the week.Just get through this week.Anyway things have been perfect.Fara waking up and a special something.so happy.Anyway taggers thanks. So yup till then depressing kid signing out.

Breathe in for luck, breathe in so deep,
this air is blessed, you share with me.
This night is wild, so calm and dull,
these hearts they race from self control.
Your legs are smooth as they graze mine,
we're doing fine, we're doing nothing at all.

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me, so I die happy.
My heart is yours to fill or burst,
to break or bury, or wear as jewelry,
which ever you prefer.

The words are hushed, lets not get busted;
just lay entwined here, undiscovered.
Safe in here, from all the stupid questions.
"Hey did you get some?". Man, that is so dumb.
Stay quiet, stay near, stay close they can't hear...
so we can get some.

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me, so I die happy.
My heart is yours to fill or burst,
to break or bury, or wear as jewelry,
which ever you prefer.

Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember,
I'll always remember the sound of the stereo,
the dim of the soft lights,
the scent of your hair that you twirled in your fingers
and the time on the clock when we realized it's so late
and this walk that we shared together.
The streets were wet and the gate was locked so I jumped it,
and I let you in.
And you stood at your door with your hands on my waist
and you kissed me like you meant it.
And I knew that you meant it,
that you meant it,
that you meant it,
and I knew,
that you meant it,
that you meant it.

you just want to hurt me and leave me desperate

Fara has gone through her op smoothly.My wish came true.They are getting her out of her sedation soon.Her brain is still swelling.But at leats getting her out of sedation to see her response.I'm going to the hospital tmr.I'm going there alone.I got no one to accompany me.So i'm a loner.Haven seen her for so long.

Din go skul today cause i was sick.LmS dun worry i'm alrite.I'm just sick.I made promises to ppl.I won't break them.Dun worry.I have been tinking about alot of stuff that i forgot to take care of myself.B i should have listened to u.Now i'm sick.Haiz.Lessons learned from mistakes.

Anway got my weekend planned out already.I'm heading down to the beach to have some me time.Just trying to be alone till fara is alrite.I'm a loner.Then on sat meeting up with aaron in the aftrenoon and then going down to the hospital.In the evening i'm going Chat to meet up with my manager.Then if i leave chat early might go down to the beach again.Alone by myself.Anyone care to join me?I know no one will.I just want to talk to someone.I shall talk to myself.Sunday i might be going down to the hospital again.so yup my weekend is all for myself.

Depressing kid is leaving.till my next entry.

It's just like him
To wander off in the evergreen park
Slowly searching for any sign
Of the ones he used to love..

He says he's got nothing left to live for
(He says he's got nothing left...)
And this time I think you'll know..

You're not alone
There is more to this, I know
You can make it out
You will live to tell

She's just like him
Spoiled rotten
Confused by the lies she's been fed
And she's searching for no one..
(But herself)
Her eyes turn to green and she seems to be happy
That she is here
And this time I think you'll know...

You're not alone
There is more to this, I know
You can make it out
You will live to tell

You're not alone
There is more to this, I know
You can make it out

(There is more to know)

We're not alone
There is more to this, I know
You can make it out
You will live to tell..
(So tell me)

You're not alone
There is more to this, I know
You can make it out
(Make it out)
You will live to tell
(Live to tell)
You're not alone
There is more to this, I know
(And I know)
You can make it out
You will live to tell..

You are not alone.
You're not, you're not alone.

you taught my heart a sense i never knew i had

Not gonna say much.Just update on Fara's condition.she is goin in for an op either today or tmr.All the best fara.Hope she comes out better than ever.Today getting through skul was hard.Cause i was so tired.I was practically falling asleep.Since mrs chan din come to skul today.I slept durin maths.Best nap i had today.Not bad that i understand miss munira's lessonsI'm concentrating that shows.

My hair is super emo lah.Thanks to Khai.He gave me the best way to style my hair.Now i love my new emo hair.hahas.Anyway rite now i am emo with the whole Fara thing.My hair suits my tough time now.Emo rev.Somemore my hair super black.Depressing emo kid.

I'm still waiting for you to open ur eyes and seeme.Waiting for you to speak to me again.I'll see you real soon.

Shooting star

I went down to the hospital yesterday to see Fara.I just stood there alone and looked at her.It saddens me still that i can't speak to her and hear her voice.So i saw Char and we went down for a smoke.We were sitting along the roadside.Talking about Fara and all.Happenly Char saw something from the corner of her eyes.She just started shaking and told me'eh revathi its a shooting star.It's a shooting star.'I turned and there it was falling.I made my wish immeadiatly.Char did too.Guess wat? she was hysterical about it after that.Telling everyone about it and msgin ppl about it.Mad lor that girl.Hahas.I'm still laughin at her mixed emotion look.Char made me realise yesterday that it always happens to the both of us.Fara told us something in our dreams and it was true.We felt Fara on the same day.The 2 ppl who was with her till the end.Fara's condition is kinda bad rite now?I really wonder if she is giving up.I wish she is not.I always want to break down but it's at the wrong places.I've been holding in so much tears for so long.I tink one day i'm gonna breakdown to one of you.I'm sorry if it happens.

I was suppose to go home alone.In the end the 3 guys,Agi,Fazli and Haja just came.So went back with the guys.As usual they and their lame jokes.Especially my B.Okay that is the best i can do.It's better than handyman.B stands for bestfriend.It's good already hor.Dun scold me okay.So went home and had the most irritating headache.When i woke up i was down with a bad flu.Had to go through school with my fucking flu and i din sleep at all.Maybe it's cause i just want to study for Fara that bad.I will continue through school.Once in awhile my memories just go back to the past.All the mad times we had and how much i used to bully you.Hahas.good times and then there are times when it goes back to the day i saw u for the very first time in the ICU.I rmbered you were cryin when u saw us.I will never forget that.So much things i really wan to say but i can't.I've been school,hospital and home.Once in awhile jamming.Other than that i stay at home.I can't have Fun knowing that u are in the hospital.I cut down on my outings.No more gigs,no more clubbing,no more drinking and i'll stop smoking.I promised my B already.So i have to.I've got to stop cutting my wrist also.Another promise i made.Dun worry i'm sticking to it.

So yup that is basically about it.To does guys who found out i cut my wrist.I'm sorry i was super down.I won't do it everagain.If i do i give you the permission to slap me.

She burns

Today's on fire
The sky is bleeding above me, and I am blistered
I walk these lines of blasphemy, every day
And still:

Like a bad star, I'm falling faster down to her
She's the only one who knows, what it is to burn

I feel diseased
Is there no sympathy from the sun?
The sky's still fire
But I am safe in here, from the world outside

So tell me
What's the price to pay for glory?

Like a bad star, I'm falling faster down to her
She's the only one who knows, what it is to burn

Today is fire, and she burns
Today is fire, and she burns
She burns
She burns
She burns
She burns
She burns
She burns

Like a bad star, I'm falling faster down to her
She's the only one who knows, what it is to burn

My shining star

Fara is giving up.her condition is getting worst.It's very saddening that she is slowly starting to stop fighting.I promise if she gives up i will too.I can't go on with life if she is gone.It just would not be the same ever again.Even if you guys are there for me.It's really different now.LMS thanks for the good shouting at yesterday.I needed that.I just cause too much problems i know.DB i'm sorry for wat i've caused.Haja thanks for being there.Stance thanks for all those hugs i needed(LmS dun be jealous.It's just friendly hugs.).Wati thanks for that good lecture yesterday.You guys make me stay strong.But this is something i stick to no matter wat.If something happens to Fara i will never forgive myself.She has given up and so would i.She was just someone i always had.Through my hard break-ups.Even when we quarelled she was there still watchin over me.She really protected me as a friend.Until my next entry.I'll be praying for you in my own way.

Should i take my leave soon?

This pass few days aren't that good.I'm trying so hard to be strong for Fara but i can't.I'm taking in so many things at once.It's killing me.I planned my next 2 days.I'm gonna see Fara.On sat i'm taking my leave.I'm so sorry.I could not take it the moment he did not want our friendship back. I wish you are happy when i'm gone though. I dun wish for you to regret anything.Everything is my fault.I've gave up on everything in life.I keep on telling myself not to give up but i am slowly.The only person i had and could talk to about anything was Fara.It's had when she is not with me in school and all.When i go to the hospital to talk to her.I just breakdown every night.It's abit enlightening that i'm friends with Haja back.At least before anything happens i'll make things right before i go.But i'm suppose to make a confession to Haja.I haven done that.Waiting for him to ask then i will tell.I know you are reading my blog.You dun have to hide from me.Just ask away.

I was hopping that things would get better before i take my leave.No one has to be sorry for me.Cause no one is.L.M.S wants me to be there for her.Cause she is going through a hard time too.She does not want me to leave cause she needs me.I can't believe that at least i knw one person needs me.But i really need your friendship cause i was making it all this time with ur friendship.I won't get my love for you in the way of our friendship anymore.I promise.I make promises but why can't u just take them.U told me yourself that u treated me as one of your bestfriend.I'm ready to take on that friendship.

No matter wat.I miss my little idiot.Fara i miss you too.Getter better soon.I can't wait to hear your voice.I miss it like fucking hell.Open your eyes soon too.I miss your wonderful eyes.You can get a look of my new haircut too.Your sisters say my haircut looks like yours.Noor has been like a sister to me fara.You are right about her.Okay i'm in tears already.I just hope the ppl who i miss will come back to me soon.cause you 2 are the only ppl who gave me strength.

The drugs begin to peak
A smile of joy arrives in me
But sedation changes to panic and nausea
And breath starts to shorten
And heartbeats pound softer
You won't try to save me!
You just want to hurt me and leave me desperate!

You taught my heart, a sense I never knew I had.
I can forget, the times that I was
Lost and depressed from the awful truth
How do you do it?
You're my heroine!

You won't leave me alone!
Chisel my heart out of stone, I give in everytime.

You taught my heart, a sense I never knew I had
I can forget, the times that I was
Lost and depressed from the awful truth
How do you do it?
You're my heroine!

I bet you laugh, at the thought of me thinking for myself. (myself)
I bet you believe, that I'm better off with you than someone else.
Your face arrives again, all hope I had becomes surreal.
But under your covers more torture than pleasure
And just past your lips there's more anger than laughter
Not now or forever will I ever change you
I know that to go on, I'll break you, my habit!

You taught my heart, a sense I never knew I had.
I can forget, the times when I was
Lost and depressed from the awful truth
How do you do it?
You're my heroine!

I will save myself!

P.S:I tried to put the video up bu there is some error.Fara used to teach me blog stuff.I'll try to put it up real soon.

Something you loved

josh groban
don't give up(you are loved)

Don't give up
It's just the weight of the world
When your heart's heavy
I, I will lift it for you
Don't give up
Because you want to be heard
If silence keeps you
I. I will break it for you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don't give up
Because you are loved

Don't give up
It's just the hurt that you hide
When you're lost inside
I'll be there to find you

Don't give up
Because you want to burn bright
If darkness blinds you
I. I will shine to guide you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you...
Everybody wants to be loved
Don't give up
Because you are loved (you are loved)

You are loved (you are loved)
Don't give up (don't give up)
It's just the weight of the world!!
(you are loved)
Don't give up (don't give up)
Everyone needs to be heard (don't give up)
You are loved (you are loved)

Don't give up

Fara has been a very dear friend to me.I'm staying strong for her now.Cause i knw even in such a state.She is still watching over me.She told me just yesterday something that i din knw.but it's true.Dun worry fara i won't make my same old mistakes again.Just rmb i'm always here for u no matter what.I'll come see you after school.I knw u wouldn't want me to miss skul for you.Cause i still rmb you telling me that u wanted me to concentrate on my studies even harder cause it's our O's year.I'll study hard for you.I regret neglecting our friendship.I should have been there for you.all u needed was attention.If only i had met you that night.I know u would not have done such a thing.I'm gonna miss our bus rides to skul.Our gossiping and bitching around. I din knw you werer disappointed in our friendship.If only i had known.I would hae changed myself.I promise i won't be the rev you once new.I change for you.Cause you were the only person who loved,protected and believed in me.No on else did.Just to let you knw that pepe and tinkerbell is alrite.They are waiting for your return home.I know they miss you.We all do.Everyone is here for you now.We all will drop in occasionally.We all knw how much pain you went through and how much you are going through.If anything were to happen to you i will never forgive myself.Just rmb that.I'm waiting to hear your voice again.It's been almost a week since i've heard.Char,noor,fay,ur mum and i can't wait for you to open your eyes and speak to us again.We miss you dearly.This is something i want to tell you.I love you.We know you are fighting.You are surviving a ough period of ur life.Take it slow.