never wanna go home

Suddenly the place i call home doesn't feel like one anymore. It just isn't the place to live in anymore. Just to see what goes on in this house kills me inside. I'm so sick and tired and i want to go tell myself "I wanna go home".But i can't even bring myself to think of that.I don't feel warmth and much love in her anymore.It just saddens me. I feel like the things provided are lessening. No one cares even if i am sick or if I'm not even here.It doesn't matter i realise. I see that my well being has suddenly been forgotten. What happen to all the care i felt when i got out of the hospital last year.I realized that i may have just lost my respect due to my stupid doings. The many things that I've done to pull myself down and maybe my mum as well.I really love her for understanding that I'm at a point of my life that i wanted to have fun but i just ended up having too much fun.But it pains me to see that I've lost the respect that i used to have with her.As a daughter and as being the eldest i haven brought pride in anyway.I'm feeling all this as well.I try to change but i dun understand why I'm not changing my old behaviors. I've really got to put men aside from my life.Cause they are really the ones who cause the downfall in me.I finally realize that.Right now,I'm thankful to be on my feet after all that I've gone through. I promise it'll harmless fun without men from now on.The last fun with men that i had has gone and i promise nothing with.I should have trusted my gut instinct when i said 'his another player'.I was proven right.Stick to your instincts rev.Cheers.